Post by Cynetix on Apr 21, 2005 7:51:04 GMT -5
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead; do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
3. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he'll sit in a boat drinking beer all day
4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
5. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
6. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
7. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of child support payments.
9. We are born naked, wet, hungry; we get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse.
10. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
11. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
13. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
14. No one is listening until you fart.
15. Always remember you're unique-just like everyone else.
16. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
19. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
20. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
21. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
22. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
23. A penny saved is a government oversight.
24. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
25. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
26. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
27. He who hesitates is probably right.
28. Did you ever notice that the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL".
29. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
30. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
31. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
32. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
2. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
3. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he'll sit in a boat drinking beer all day
4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
5. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
6. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
7. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of child support payments.
9. We are born naked, wet, hungry; we get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse.
10. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
11. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
13. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
14. No one is listening until you fart.
15. Always remember you're unique-just like everyone else.
16. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
19. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
20. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
21. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
22. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
23. A penny saved is a government oversight.
24. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
25. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
26. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
27. He who hesitates is probably right.
28. Did you ever notice that the Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL".
29. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
30. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
31. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
32. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.