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Post by Billman on Oct 25, 2005 13:37:56 GMT -5
"It's a shame that an entire family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs."
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Post by superphil on Oct 25, 2005 13:46:12 GMT -5
if trees could scream... would we be so cavalier about chopping them down?
prob'ly so.
especially if they screamed all the time and for no apparent reason.
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Post by Billman on Oct 25, 2005 22:34:50 GMT -5
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
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Post by Billman on Oct 25, 2005 22:35:43 GMT -5
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
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Post by Billman on Oct 25, 2005 22:39:28 GMT -5
DAMN! this one made me LOL!
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
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Post by Billman on Oct 26, 2005 9:37:09 GMT -5
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
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If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
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I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
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The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
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Post by Cynetix on Oct 26, 2005 11:52:01 GMT -5
"When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car."
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Post by superphil on Oct 28, 2005 9:13:22 GMT -5
if you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava...
let 'em go... because, man, they're gone.
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Post by superphil on Oct 28, 2005 15:36:17 GMT -5
I think a good novel would be about a bunch of men on a ship who are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page that you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.
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Post by Billman on Dec 7, 2005 11:17:04 GMT -5
"If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast."
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"Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts."
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And the classic...
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
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Post by Billman on Dec 7, 2005 11:18:29 GMT -5
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
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jg
New Common Ground Family Member!
Posts: 13
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Post by jg on Feb 15, 2006 1:05:01 GMT -5
Okay....well.........this isn't a Jack Handey......but it's kind of on the same line: "I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. " JG  |
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Post by Billman on May 11, 2007 12:35:05 GMT -5
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
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